I have keenly attuned my brain to ignore any longing or desire to do stuff that is just about me for the past couple of years. With all the kid stuff happening around us, I have found it easier to be resigned to living a life around them, to avoid disappointment. I've learned a weird acceptance with a day that revolves around meals cut into small pieces and naptimes, and that's cool.
But just lately, there is a shift. I returned to work, just one day a week. I felt that clever, passionate part of my brain spark, like the engine of a car having sat idle over winter. It's creaky, and a little rusty, but it's still there!
With this change has come a side-change in me, and how I think about myself. I have suddenly realised I can do some stuff for myself! And I've been struck with an urge to make outrageous goals for myself.
For example: Swim the length of my beach point-to-point. Considering my absolute lack of fitness and skill, a one-kilometre swim is a perfectly achievable goal, right? Well, it will be, given time and some hard work. I have begun swimming lessons- they do those for adults too! Although I felt a bit silly to begin, I am really grateful to take the opportunity to get a good technique to build upon. I even hopped in the pool to do some training laps when my big boy had his lesson at the weekend. It's a little thing I guess, but I'm celebrating this change- moving my body into its next season, where it won't be used to feed or grow babies again, but is now free to do other interesting stuff.
So I'm off to my grown-up swimming lesson this morning. I am going to swim that beach. I know this because I am working towards it. And also because there are the best hot chips in the kiosk down the other end.